THE FLASH BACK

It was raining heavily today. It was as if the clouds are really in a resentful melancholy mourning someone’s death. I had never seen such a rainy day in the past ten to fifteen years of my life here. The monsoon was always the most pleasant season all the times. The most cherished season. I was so badly stuck in this rain without an umbrella. It wasn’t expected , when suddenly a car zoomed past in front of me . I was infuriated ” Drunken Monkey”.The car came to a stand still. I was aghast because my white dress was completely splashed with the muddy water. 

To my surprise I saw a known shadow from a distance. It was a face I could never forget , a face I knew I would never be able to forget. A face that I was in love with once upon a time. A face that once meant my life to me . I stood there , shocked and still. I didn’t know how to react. Before he could say anything, i chose to leave. As I was about to leave, he just stood there and said “Sorry”.

I was like ” Sorry ??? For what? There are many things in the world for which sorry is not acceptable”. I started to leave with tears in my eyes. The tears that I held for such a long time, the tears that I could hold no longer. He held me by my hand. His touch still vibrates my mind .

I went aghast like “What?” 

Since it was raining badly we took a shelter in a nearby small tea shop. He bought me tea and there we are sipping the tea staring at the rainy droplets.Who knew this rain would bring back someone from my past. Who knew that I would ever see him again. I didn’t know if I were to be happy or angry. But I knew I was happy seeing him alive. I was always afraid that something had happened to him. He loved me. He couldn’t stay away from me like this.The rain bought back the memories of the past.

Mayank and I were in love seven years ago. He was someone I could always depend on. Someone with whom I could always be stupid with. Someone who accepted me with all my flaws. He was there, my life , my soul , my everything. There was never a day where I could imagine my life without him. Being neighbors , we always played together as kids , we went to the same school. But when the time came to take up engineering , he made it to IIT Mumbai and I decided to take it up here, in Bangalore.It was for the first time , that I realised that I loved him so much. That moment when I realised that he was going to go away from me , I realised the pain of love.That night I got a call from him and he asked me to go to his place. He said ” I wanna show you something special , please come over to my place.” I thought of confessing my love for him that I had for him from such a long time. “It was time”.When I went to his place, the living room was so dark without any ray of light. I called out his name , no response. I thought of going to his room. I went upstairs.

As I enter the room, all I see is candles lit all over the room  and on his study desk , I see all the toys and the gifts we had as kids. He had preserved every single gift I had given him on his birthday. Tears started flowing from my eyes. He comes wipes them and plants a gentle kiss on my cheeks ” I have always loved you, Tanisha . Will you be mine?”There couldn’t be a better beginning to this. I thought my life was just as good as a fairy tale. I mean how often do you get to be with that person for the rest of your life who is your childhood best friend. I thought I was the luckiest girl. ” Stupid, I never thought I’ll have to bear you for the rest of my life, I love you Idiot ” .

Life was so perfect. May be not so perfect. Soon after this incident , he moved to Mumbai and got busy with his life. My life too got busy with the other priorities that I had.One of the things that I hated about LDR is that it brings distance between you and your loved one. Then came a time when our parents got to know about each other. We expected to get blasted from both the sides of parents , but then they were gladly happy for us. They would talk about the two of us getting married. It was decided that once I get done with my engineering, they get us married.I used to get so excited thinking of we getting married. I was always amused by the idea of staying with him . He had plans of doing his MS abroad. It was so perfect , until the big day. The day we were about to get engaged. 

I was staring at my window. My eyes were waiting for him. He didn’t turn up. I tried calling him. The number was switched off. His parents were aghast at this. They couldn’t believe he was gone. I couldn’t accept that the person who I loved so much just left me , without a word. Without any news.

Since this incident, there was a wall of bitterness between his parents and mine. Till date they don’t even speak to each other. As of me , I had taken it to insanity. I just withdrew myself from life. I quit my job, sat at home doing nothing. My parents thought it to be the best to send me to some other place , where I could forget him and move on.It was then , that I was sent to Canada, where my uncle stays. I learnt to move on with my life . It was here that I met my husband and after sometime I got married to him. 

I never got to know what happened to Mayank. A part of me was always worried about him. I didn’t know if he was even alive. A part of me always wanted to know what made him leave me.Was I that bad? Did he find someone better?

“Tanisha, listen to me once . What I did , was the best thing I could have ever done for you.I always have cared for you. I always wanted you to be happy.”

“Happy?? Leaving me when we were about to get engaged that is your definition of happiness. Leaving someone who trusted you so much was your definition of happy. Creating a wall of bitterness between people is your definition of happy.Letting down someone, who trusts you so much is your definition of happy. I’m so sorry I do not happiness anywhere in that!”

“I had brain tumor.2 weeks before our engagement, I had started experiencing headaches frequently. I thought this is not something normal, I should get a check up. It was just on the day before the engagement I learnt about the tumor in my brain. I spoke to the doctor, he said he cannot promise me anything . “I’ll try my best Mayank, but I cannot promise you anything.” It was as if my world had ended even before it begun. I had lost everything . I couldn’t tell it to you because I knew you wouldn’t leave me alone with it. I didn’t have the heart to tell my parents anything because I was their only son, and they would lose their life. I had to go away. I wanted the best for you . I wanted you to move on , marry a man with a long life and stay with him happily forever. You are a princess, Tanisha. I’ve always wanted the best for you , I’ve always cared about you. I wanted you to move on , so I decided to go away. “

I couldn’t believe my ears. How could I have hated this man. How could I have not been there for the person whom I had claimed to love so dearly. How could I have been so selfish. But still there were a lot of questions to be answered.

“Where were you all these years , Mayank? “

” I was staying in Brazil with my uncle. I had my treatment going on there, I asked my uncle not to reveal anything to my parents . I didn’t want to hurt my parents.Fortunately , I survived the pain and I was granted my life back. But , Alas!! Nothing was just like before. I was left with nothing. I came back to India two years ago, and when I went home , I found it to be locked. The watchman handed me the keys and left. He didn’t say anything. I went inside to find my parents photos framed with flowers hanging on them.I couldn’t believe that they were dead. I was not even there during their funeral. I was not there when they needed me the most. I was never there for people who mattered the most to me . I couldn’t be there for you, I couldn’t be there for my parents. Lost and lonely , I decided that I shall stay back here.This is the place where the memory of my parents will last me forever.I shall lead my life with those memories.”

I didn’t know what to say. He was the man whom I loved so much and today he was there lost , lonely and without a help. 

“Mayank, I’m sorry. I could never be there for you when you needed me the most. Mayank , I have broken my promise of being there for you always. I’m a married woman now Mayank.I have a husband to take care of. But I promise you that I’ll be there for you from now on whenever you need me.We’re childhood mates remember. You are not alone in this fight ,Mayank. Anytime you need me , I’ll be there. Just don’t be afraid of me judging you. I always have understood you. But you shall have to trust me with that.”

He smiled. 

This feels so good. To have kept the past in the past. Its happy that I get to see him . We’re friends again.

 

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